Listen To Your Own Truth

Be Willing to Accept the Disapproval of Others – one of the essential principles for finding your way to an Inspired Life, and according to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, a way of making sure that inspiration is your master or driving force, even through following it might disappoint others.

“When we begin to follow our ultimate calling, there will be a lot of resistance,” Dyer writes. “In fact, the purpose of the slings and arrows sent our way is to get us to change our mind and be reasonable, which translates into “Do it my way!”

 

This section in Dyer’s book, Inspiration, follows the thread I began with A Matter of Focus last month, which discusses the “shoulds” placed on us by our friends, family and community at large – what we “should” be doing for a living, where we “should” live, where we “should” educate our kids, what kind of opportunities they “should” have, what types of vacations we “should” take, and on and on and on it goes. What we “should” do however, is what we feel driven to do, what takes our breath away, what we feel is our purpose.

As I discussed in A Matter of Focus, “shoulds” are everywhere. And really, until the past few years, I could have easily been dubbed the Queen of the Shoulds. But something changed….I started to feel a sense of unhappiness I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t identify it, I couldn’t wrap my head around it, heck I couldn’t even shop it away. And believe me, I tried.

Let me give you an example from my own life. Several years ago, I had a great job with a local governmental agency as a writer. A dream job for many, filled with benefits, retirement plans and a crazy number of paid holidays. But it was flat. There was no spark, no joy, no excitement. It was words on a page, day in, and day out. It wasn’t the words I wanted to write, or the stories I wanted to tell. It was words for hire.

But wait, state job, paid benefits, so what, right? Wrong. The reason I started writing in the first place, the reason that words had carried me this far was because I had passion. Passion for telling the story, sharing lessons from the journey, bringing the truth to light, being the voice for the voiceless, a true breathtaking passion for the art and craft of writing. And with the job, telling the same story a million different ways was not doing anything but killing that passion and removing the joy that brought me into the field in the first place. I thought…and I thought…and I thought, and with nothing but belief in the dream I quit. Walked away from a state job, walked away from benefits, paid holidays and stability and ran straight back into the realm of freelancing.

Talk about slings and arrows – wow! My parents were flabbergasted, and probably thought I had lost my mind. My friends thought I was making a horrible mistake. Heck, even my ex husband called to see if I had gone insane. But I knew….just knew I was making the right decision.

The same type of decision I am once again consciously making as I turn away some freelance projects in search of more space for my growing coaching practice and the writing associated with that. There is passion, and it is something I feel called to do. Ultimately, we do what is before us, we do what we are compelled to do. We grow, we change, and we move with it. And when we listen to that voice, to our authentic selves, we make these moves and changes with grace and ease.

That grace and ease will also enable us to be stronger in our decisions, because believe me when I say, slings, arrows, anger and disapproval will come as soon as you deviate from the “path” that has been set before you. The path of “shoulds”, “woulds” and “ought-tos”, guarded diligently by friends, family and the community at large.

Dyer sums it up beautifully as he writes, “As we gain the strength to ignore the pressure to conform, resistance will diminish and ultimately change to respect. When we steadfastly refuse to think, act, and conform to the mandates of others, the pressure to do so loses its momentum. All we have to do is endure some initial disapproval such as dogmatic persuasion, anger, pouting, silence, and long-winded lectures…and then we’re on our way to inspiration rather than frustration.”

Think about it…do you want to be frustrated or inspired? Do you want to look at what you should do, or do you want to think about what you could do? Do you want to walk the walk and talk the talk or do you want to tune it all out and just dance? Get inspired, dance the dance, and savor the journey. And bottom line, listen to your own truth, not the opinions of others.

Enjoy Every Moment

Stay Detached from Outcomes – one of the essential principles for finding your way to an Inspired Life, and according to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, a key element for living fully in the moment.

“Our purpose in life isn’t to arrive at a destination where we find inspiration, just as the purpose of dancing isn’t to end up at a particular spot on the floor,” Dyer writes. “The purpose of dancing – and of life – is to enjoy every moment and every step, regardless of where we are when the music ends.”

This section in Dyer’s book, Inspiration, really spoke to me on a number of levels. As he writes, many of us are seduced into believing that having goals is necessary for a successful life. Too much focus on the goal, or on the prize can in all actuality keep us from feeling inspired because we are living a life of striving while foregoing arriving.

A huge spiritual truth, discussed by Dyer, Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now, and many, many other spiritual teachers, is that there is only Now. Think about it, just this moment.

I had a teacher share that with me once during a session, while exploring my fears. He simply looked at me and said, “You are too worried about the past, too fearful of the future when in all reality you have only this moment, and this one, and this one and this one. Moment by moment we live our lives and it is our responsibility to savor each moment and to celebrate and live it fully.”

Goals, if we place too much emphasis on them, can rob us of that ability. If we have our eye on the prize continually, if we are driven by our to-do lists, and we measure our worth at the end of each day by the amount of tasks we were able to accomplish, we are striving, not arriving.

If we instead take a moment, a Now moment, meditate, dream, and listen for our direction, we will naturally go there. If we make goals less about measurable accomplishment and more about the love of the journey, things will naturally fall into place. If we trust that the same force that brought us here and has supported us each and every day of our lives will not fail us now, we will be amazed at the outcome.

Think for a moment about goals. They are fluid and ever-changing.

When I get this or that, I will be happy…
When I get a promotion, I can start working a few less hours and enjoy life a bit more…
When the kids are in school, I will write that book…
When I get two books published, I will go to Europe…
When the house is paid for, I will look at getting this or that…
When I…When I…When I…

By the time you arrive at a When I, chances are, there are three more When I’s that have been put in place, so the happy, or the inspiration, or the this or that can’t happen yet, because another goal or When I has to be accomplished first.

Goals can be worthwhile, and are definitely useful to help us move with direction along our path…as long as they don’t rob us of our worth and take away from the enjoyment of the journey.

Goals and dreams can serve as guides, but should not define us, and should not take away from the moment.

Take a moment to look around you. What do you see? Can you take a deep breath, stretch, and savor this moment, and the next one, and the next? Can you focus on the dance and enjoy the journey? Or do you have too many things on your to-do list?

Put the list down and listen to the music – dance the dance yet again, that’s the essence of the journey. Choose this moment to arrive.

A Matter of Focus

Be Independent of the Good Opinions of Others - one of the essential principles for finding your way to an Inspired Life, and according to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, a way of making sure that inspiration is your master or driving force, even through following it might disappoint others.

“When inspiration makes its presence known, we must pay attention if our priority is to be who or what we were meant to be,” Dyer writes. “Suffering the consequences of living according to someone else’s wishes doesn’t make any sense; rather, we need to oppose the external opinions that try to force us to be what we’re not intended to be.”

Reading this section of Dyer’s book, Inspiration, I couldn’t help but reflect back on my own life, especially on my first marriage. There is no blame here, it is all lessons learned, but during that time, when my kids were small and we were starting our lives together as a couple and as a family, there were a lot of “shoulds”. Our parents suggested where we “should” live, our friends and the community around us suggested what we “should” be doing for a living. There were the suggestions on where we “should” educate our kids, what kind of opportunities they “should” have, what types of vacations we “should” take, and on and on and on it went.

We were so caught up in doing what we “should” do that I know personally I lost sight of what I could do. I lost sight of my dreams, my goals and my visions. My passion – writing – didn’t have that Steady Income appeal, it was feast or famine, and that was no way to raise a family so I was told how I “should” be looking for a j-o-b, filled with perks, benefits and retirement plans. It was suggested that I “should” put the dreams of writing aside and focus on something tangible and real, how I “should” parlay the success and recognition I had received as a writer to that point into a resume point and use that to propel me forward.

It didn’t matter that I had realized a way to be a voice for the voiceless. It didn’t matter that my social justice writing and award-winning column on raising a child with a learning disability were as crucial to me as the air I breathe. What mattered was that since I hadn’t landed on the cover of Newsweek and wasn’t making six figures, it wasn’t real to those around me. It wasn’t responsible. It wasn’t what I “should” be doing with two small kids and a mortgage.

Bit by bit, I let go of the dream. I picked up a part-time job, I volunteered with the PTA, I even bought a Pontiac – because it was sensible and parking my old reliable Toyota with 250,000 miles was really what I “should” do. I died a little bit each day, along with my dreams. Prozac replaced coffee and kids sporting and extra curricular events replaced dates. And with each breath, focusing not on what I could do, but on what I “should” do, the dream became a little bit smaller and dealing with life became a little bit harder.

Fast forward several years - death of a beloved friend – divorce from husband – and really a second chance. I could continue doing what I “should” do, or I could reclaim my path, realize that life is precious and move forward accordingly. I could stay where I was or find within me the courage to once again hear the song of inspiration and dance the dance of the dream.

Today, I am writing, realizing my dream, and using my skills to be the voice for the voiceless. I am also coaching, helping people discern their path and not worry about what they “should” do, and instead concentrate on what they could do.

I chose to hear the song of inspiration and dance the dance of the dream…try it, you might be surprised at the joy it will bring.

Finding Inspiration

Don’t Die Wondering – one of the essential principles for finding your way to an Inspired Life, and according to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, one of the most important to take into account because it motivates us to act.

“We don’t want to be full of regrets because we failed to heed our ultimate calling. Attempting to do something, even if we don’t succeed is inspiring because we don’t tend to regret what we do, we regret what we didn’t do.” Dyer writes.

Think about it, we regret what we didn’t do.

We regret the chances we didn’t take.

We regret that we didn’t believe in ourselves enough to even try to meet our calling.

Those are some deep thoughts, for sure. Think about it – we all have regrets. The phone call we didn’t have the courage to make that could have landed us a date, a job, or really any opportunity. The fact we took the business trip to further the career but missed our daughter graduating from elementary school (yep, that one still hurts). The house we didn’t buy that now is worth 4x what we would have paid for it EVEN in today’s market (that one still stings too). The fact that we didn’t stand up for ourselves in one instance or another and were taken advantage of. The missed opportunity, the lost time, the mix up of priorities, all of those things can lead to regret.

But when it comes to the ultimate calling, now that sounds like the big stuff. What exactly is an ultimate calling? Are we born knowing it, or do we learn along the way? What is my ultimate calling? Do I know yet? Not really, but I do have things that are leading me in the direction I need to be going in to figure it out. I do have synchronicity, validations and so on reaffirming the decisions I am making as a woman, a mother, a wife, a writer, and a life coach.

Part of me has felt from a very early age that I would write books, and that those books would be filled with words of wit and wisdom, to entertain, to inspire, and to teach. As time has gone by, I realize that those books would provide me a forum where I could share my journey and my truth and hope that the book will help others find their truth and navigate their journey.

Maybe that is my ultimate calling? Maybe that is the music inside?

Maybe this article is bringing me one step closer to that calling? Maybe letting go of the things in my life that are NOT working and holding on to the things that are will bring me one step closer?

I believe in this context the ultimate calling doesn’t have to be lofty or weighty or even far-reaching – it needs to be a nudge to do something more. A step towards something greater, the strength to stand for and with what is working and the courage to let go of what’s not.

We all have a dream – whether it is writing, music, art, teaching, growing or just reaching for something more. Taking the chances, making the steps and believing in the dream, perhaps that is ultimate calling…it is definitely a good place to start.

Don’t die wondering what if…know that each and every day, you took the steps towards what could be.

This is the first in a series of articles based on Inspiration – Your Ultimate Calling by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.